The Oathing Stone: A ritual that rocks
Thinking about adding the oathing stone ritual into your wedding ceremony? We spoke to celebrant Lizzie Edgerton to find out why it’s her favourite symbolic gesture!
Photos are from Matt and Summer’s gorgeous elopement in the Scottish Borders. The couple travelled from America for their humanist ceremony which was led by celebrant Lizzie.
The oathing stone: A ritual that rocks
“Adding a symbolic gesture to your wedding ceremony is not for everyone, some people prefer to let a fabulous script speak for itself, and the occasional couple want to throw them all in there. If I’m choosing my favourite, it’s the oathing stone, by quite some distance. Not because it’s showy, or elaborate, or sentimental (it’s not). But because it manages to be something simple and quietly meaningful, with just the right amount of novelty to stop things getting too soppy. It takes the idea of making a promise and gives it weight – literally.
History of the oathing stone
The oathing stone ritual is of the most beautiful Scottish traditions, one that connects us to the land and to history and is where the phrase ‘set in stone’ comes from. It’s believed that promises made over a stone are binding for eternity. Which is quite handy, because that’s sort of the whole point of getting married.
Historically, couples placed their hands over a stone as they said their vows, grounding their promises, rooting them in something solid and real. After the ceremony they can take their stone home and keep it, or leave it near where they got married, or if they’re near a body of water can throw it in. The stone carries their words, their love, and possibly the odd sweaty fingerprint into the world. So their promises are held in something lasting. Something that might confuse a fish later on.
Choosing your oathing stone
Couples might choose their stone from a beach they love, a place they walk their dog, or even just something the find in the garden and like the shape of. Some get theirs engraved with their names, or if it’s an elopement, the map co-ordinates of where they stood to get married. If there are little ones in the family you can give them the stone and ask them to paint it (though maybe don’t throw that one into the loch or there’ll be tears).
What I love about the ritual is how grounded it feels. There are no props to light or pour or untangle. Just two people, standing side by side, holding something solid and saying what they mean. It draws the couple inward. It shifts the energy. It’s one of the moments in a ceremony when the focus is entirely between them – a chance to take a breath and mean it.
It’s a brilliant leveller. You don’t need to have Celtic ancestry or a strong connection to Scottish traditions to include it. You don’t even have to say much. Some couples use it to speak their full vows. Others just place their hands on it and nod.
I’ve suggested the oathing atone to many of couples now, and the reaction is usually the same. A slightly puzzled expression, followed by a slow nod, and then: “Actually, that sounds lovely.”
It is.
It’s honest. Grounded. A moment you can feel.
And it doesn’t need to be explained or overthought. That, I think, is its real magic. It knows what it’s doing. You just have to show up and hold on.”
Lizzie Edgerton
